The Freedom Lap: Monday Ramblings

The Freedom Lap: Monday Ramblings

*This post may contain affiliate links. This just means that if you buy something listed here, I make a little bit of beer (or dessert) money.

Hi  friends! It has been a long while since I last posted, due to a few different reasons. But I wanted to reach out and let y’all know that I’m alive, I’m still kickin’ and doing what I do. Also:

  1. I’ve been doing some personal branding in the background, learning a little some’m some’m about graphic design, making myself a logo, updating the site and such. Still trying to figure out how to get my fonts to match, but that’s the least of my worries at the moment. I even have a little icon with a colorful KK on it in the corner of your browser tab now! This little logo, my friends, took my non-technical, Biology-majoring ass several days to figure out, 15 tutorials later, but we have arrived at the Promiseland. I GOT THIS.
  2. I made the Kurious Kaleidoscope a Facebook page and will be promoting it in the coming days. I’m planning on taking a much-anticipated Facebook hiatus from my regular account, but want the blog to still be seen to those who enjoy it! I’ve been talking about getting off of Facebook for so long that I’m sure my close friends are like, PLEASE, just shut up and DO IT already…. I know, I know, patience grasshoppers. With mind numbing election memes popping up everywhere on my minifeed, and all of this goddamn Taylor Swift/Kardashian drama that I could literally not care one iota about seeing day in and day out, it surely shan’t be long.
  3. I got me a real live big girl job again that keeps me on my toes in trying to prove that I really actually do productive stuff during the day. Working from home means becoming a professional in dodging Jehovah’s witnesses and creepy salesmen, cooking all these meals to feed and keep myself alive somehow, trying to remember to shower regularly (really), and having, shall we say, breastular freedom, because lucky for me, bras and pants were not part of my job requirements, and THIS I am thankful for.
  4. I told you guys alot about some personal experiences in one of my last posts, and naturally, I later reacted by hiding out somewhat and letting it pass. I have been given the gift of gab and have told all my best friends about these things, but it was still incredibly difficult to say it to those who did not. But all of the calls/emails/texts that I received from people I know, people I don’t know, people who wanted to get it off their own chest, made me feel better.

For all these reasons, and the fact that life is just plain busy when you want to do all the things, I have not provided you guys any reading material that I know you so faithfully await day after day.

Right?!

Wait, don’t answer that…. 

I had a hell of a weird day last Monday that I wanted to share. It was a roller coaster for emotions and I was mentally EXHAUSTED when it was over. To quote Sammy, “should we just go to bed so we can start over tomorrow?”

I recently read 11/22/63 by Stephen King, a book somewhat about time travel, the butterfly effect, and all the harmonics in life that you can recognize if you look for them. To my Nanny who may be reading, I know this is your book, but I’m treating it well while it’s away, please don’t worry. It’s warm, and it’s fed, and it’s still on my perpetual list of “stuff that I’ll do tomorrow” to send it to back to you….I know how you get about your hardcovers 😉

Yesterday was one of those days where these crazy weird “harmonics” showed themselves to me.

Or maybe it was just dumb luck. (This is probably it)

This first piece is for humor’s sake. People just really are interesting. I also happen to be an incredibly fierce magnet for the strange and random, and it runs rampant through my blood. My mother can vouch for this. No matter where we go or what we do, it finds us, ALWAYS. Many of you already know this about me, and some of you will find out eventually if you read my ramblings.

My office faces the front of the house looking out at my street. While hard at work keeping my head on a swivel between my dual monitors, I heard a man yelling angrily in the street so I stood up to check out the situation. He’s walking slowly, yelling at someone (no one?) and shaking his head. He’s wearing a Mountain Dew T-shirt…….. and he’s also simultaneously drinking a Mountain Dew. I notice his car is sitting on the curb, broken down or out of gas, one. A truck pulls up. He grabs something out of the passenger side and then the truck pulls away. I was thinking drugs, but this is Colorado, after all. In other words, this likely wasn’t your average ganja drop.

He puts said Mountain Dew inside his car. He lights a cigarette and sits on the curb. After about two minutes, he retrieves the Mountain Dew (why did we put it away?) and then he keeps puffing. THEN he grabs a gas can out of his trunk, and heads on down the street, cigarette in one hand, gas can in the other. Clever. This is natural selection at it’s finest, folks, feast your eyes upon the magnificent creature in its natural habitat and watch closely to see firsthand how bad choices can lead to equally bad outcomes!

I was wondering if he was out of gas, why he didn’t head on towards the gas station earlier since I was told that the car had been there at that point for about four hours, but I have so many unanswered questions about this man that I can’t EVEN.

THEN a tow truck pulled up. I figured sparks were gonna fly when this man returned to be like, “dude, where’s my car?!” but, as it turned out, he was fine with this and they towed it on out. COOL STORY, I know, but it was pretty hilarious as it was happening. And the cliché of the Mountain Dew t-shirt while drinking the Mountain Dew, which is probably the worst soda for a person to consume in the history of sodas, cracked me up, but I guess we all have our guilty pleasures. You do you, brother….carry on.

And now for the part that made yesterday a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

I LOST THE GEORGIA-DOG!!!!!

For anyone who does not know this one of my beautiful little dog-souls, let me fill you in.

SHE IS MY BABY, SHE WAS MY FIRST DOG, SHE IS SUPER SMART, SHE ENJOYS HOLDING HANDS, SHE IS AN ABSOLUTE FREAKING BALL OF SUGAR AND I GREW HER IN MY WOMB, OKAY?

IMG_1197

I will also correct my above statement in saying…

that I almost lost her.

You thought I was going to correct the womb part, didn’t you?

WRONG!

Can’t you see the resemblance????

We have this gate in our backyard, and it’s not the nicest, and we have to tie this rope and clamp it to keep it shut. I remember asking Sammy in the early days, this thing is annoying, do we really have to keep it on the gate every time we open it? He said yes we do because the dogs can get out by pushing it open.

Now, I’m not gonna bother to go on at this point about WHICH one of us left the gate open…

But it was the single scariest moment of my entire life when I went outside to see an empty yard and an open gate.

And oh by the way, it wasn’t me.

I hope none of the neighbors were in any way watching me during this five minute period of absolute horror as I started making a lot of weird sounds that were a mix between hysterical crying and hyperventilation. I started throwing things around the house because I couldn’t find my keys that I had in my hand about two minutes earlier. I was trying to stay on my feet and think rationally. We don’t live too far from a main road and all I could think about was that she could have been hit by a car and I’d have to find her little squished red body.

I started by driving through the neighborhood with all the car windows open calling her.

But I was also hyperventilating and still hysterical, so there were plenty more weird noises I was surely making as the neighbors watched.

I first saw a little family of three on bikes. I pulled up and tried to ask if they’d seen her, in between gasps for air and crying. They told me that they had not but they would be on the lookout, and as I pulled away I heard their young son say to them, “we have GOT to find that dog!” I laughed in between cries and am sending this little dude a GIANT air hug right this second as I remember his ferocity in wanting to help me. That kid is gonna do big things.

I kept driving along the route we walk through the neighborhood thinking maybe she followed the scent from our tracks. I came across another mother and her little girl, and I really think I might have scared this little one a bit with my hysterics because she couldn’t take her eyes off of my frantic and tear-stained face. This woman was amazing, asked me if I had posted it on our neighborhood website yet, and she RAN inside to do this for me when I said I had not.

Then I drove the main road, white knuckling the steering wheel. Please don’t be hit by a car, please don’t be hit by a car

Still nothing.

I drove back onto my street, defeated, and I saw a woman walking a dog down the street.

As I got closer, I thought this dog looks like Georgia….

IT IS GEORGIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I pulled up to her on the wrong side of the road, because y’all can imagine how many fucks I had on my person at the time about such things. I was alarmingly low on fucks to give, in other words. I was actually in the red for my available fucks. The fuck sharks were coming after me like, “hey kid, ya owe me 5,000 Big Ones by sundown or I’ll break ya legs; produce the fucks, and you’ll walk away unharmed.”

You get it.

She was kind of wet and pretty dirty, so she obviously had enjoyed her time playing with our neighbor’s dog in their creek, which I later found out from the nice lady that took her in and walked her up and down the street hoping I’d see her.

Good.

I hope she enjoyed the Freedom Lap.

Because it was the first and the last one she’s ever gonna get, if I can help it.

I hugged her no less than 2394820348230948 million times yesterday as I sat on the floor trying to calm down, while she licked the tears off my face. That’s my girl, right there.

In all of this madness, I managed to make some phone calls, only one that was on purpose, and that was to Sammy. Is it crazy weird that when you are making these unimaginable moaning sounds from hyperventilating and sheer despair, you can manage to butt dial not one, but TWO people?

One, I called my friend Kelly. Sorry about that, boo. Hope you didn’t answer and hear these noises, but I would have assumed you would have called me by now to ask me WTF that was if you did.

Two, I called the RADIO STATION that I waste at least an hour of cell phone minutes on every Thursday by calling to try and win free concert tickets. And THEY ANSWERED. More strange sounds from me on my end, I’m sure, but I finally managed to hang up on him. I’d love to know his thoughts on the call he got yesterday, but I guess we’ll never really know if he thought it was a hyena or maybe some kind of majestic bird calling out to him from afar on the other end. Either way, I am quite sure he wouldn’t have pinpointed it as human.

Sammy came home as soon as I made my third phone call to him which was just I needed. Without him, I wouldn’t have gotten to have all the laughs that I did that really evened out the whole day in the best kind of way.

I was standing in my front yard chatting with my neighbor a little while later when she noticed that the little dog that lives across the street from me had just wandered outside of his house. (What was it about dogs on the loose yesterday??) She was able to put him back inside and he didn’t get lost, this time, but it felt good that after what had just happened to me, we kind of got to turn it around and save someone else’s dog, even if my neighbor really did all the work 🙂

After all of this relief, it was time to feed the Hungry Horror.

(That’s me, for anyone wondering.)

We ordered pizza and stopped at the grocery store on the way to go pick it up where Sammy and I treated ourselves to some delicious cream soda (still better than Mountain Dew, right?) and of course, because someone keeps letting the two of us in the grocery store unchaperoned for some reason, there was chocolate cake.

The third, and final, item we grabbed was a nice package of poo bags for picking up after the dogs. This is the type of randomness that goes down when the two of us live a mere 0.4 miles from a grocery store: we walk in no less than four times a week to grab must-have, life -depending items, such as cream sodas, chocolate cake, and shit bags, ONLY.

Also, a super helpful tip from me to you: be wary when operating a motor vehicle on a busy road while sipping on an open container of cream soda. It tends to looks remarkably like an adult beverage and can mistakenly get you pulled over by the cops.

#whenwhitepeopledrive

(I must credit Sammy with the above hashtag but it had me laughing SO HARD.)

Back to the grocery store. As we did our thing at the self-checkout, JUST as I was about to walk away, I noticed a $20 bill just sitting in the slot all vulnerable-like and lonely, where someone had gotten cash back and forgot to take it.

As all the possible things I could and should do ran through my head, I settled on taking it with me and giving it a good temporary home in my purse. I could do better things with it than the checkout attendant just sticking it back in the cash drawer, right?

As a smile formed across my face and I gripped my prize, I walked out of the store and exclaimed, “THANKS, UNIVERSE!”

I had gone through this terrifying, awful day filled with this  anxious energy that I threw out into the machine, and it was spit back out at me with a “cha-ching!” in the form of a crisp, green bill with Andrew Jackson’s mug on it. I’ll take it!

I really felt like I deserved this after losing my child in the middle of Coyote City for a portion of the day. I laughed, I cried, I re-upped my personal arsenal of fucks to give, and I moved on to see what the next day brings.

All in all, the day worked out in my favor, but may your Monday be better than the Monday of the Freedom Lap…. at least my end of it 😉

 

—Monday ramblings, thanks for listening!

Related posts

2 thoughts on “The Freedom Lap: Monday Ramblings

  1. Debbie Sweeney

    OMG-you are too funny! I completely get it—all of it. The FB page is awesome! Lots of hard work has gone into that. Time management is becoming your strength!

  2. Nanny in Boston

    Welcome back. I missed you.
    Loved this blog. Very funny. You certainly had a Manic Monday, didn’t you.
    Love you
    NIB

Leave a Comment